The Venetian Blind

Dear Sir, 

My name is Rev. Samuel taylor I am contacting you on behalf of one my church members, Mr Lucass Gege who use to be the personal assist to the former president of Liberia, Mr Charles Taylor. As a man of God, he explained his predicaments to me that I should look for a God fearing person who could help him in the evacuation of the sum of $5.5 million dollars. An arrangement has been made with a diplomat that will bring the money to whereever you are. Please let me know immediately you receieve this mail so that i can give you more details. You shall be entitled to 15% of the total funds.

Thanks,
Rev. Samuel taylor

Dear Reverend Samuel Taylor,
 
Thank you for contacting me. You have definitely selected the right man for this job. I'm not just a "God fearing man," as you've surmised. I'm actually terrified of God. Scared shitless of God!
 
I would very much like to help you evacuate this money. As it happens, I'm the ideal man to handle this matter on behalf of the Liberia. My grandmother (Almighty God rest her soul) was a Liberian. She had a real knack for the Dewey Decimal system and a passion for the Liberia sciences. When she passed away, I inherited her collection of rare microfiche blooper slides. They were most illuminating, if you get my pun, Mr. Taylor.
 
But all of this superfluous biographical detail is really just my way of saying: "YES! YES, I Wan't to Help Mr. Lucass Gege in his hour of need. Yes, I want my 15% of the funds. Yes, I want to act in the service of God!"
 
Please let me know what happens next.

Sincerely,
Matt – Electronix Galaxy

Dear Friend,
 
I want to thank you immensely for your response to my mail and your willingness to support me towards the success of this transaction.I would like to further explain to you that the fund is being deposited in a security company in the Cotonou,the federal republic of benin.All necessary arrangements have been made with the diplomat to deliver the fund to you in  cash and all expenses will be paid by you from the box upon delivery to you and 15percent of the money will be entitled to you in which i believe will be perfectly okay for you not to take away all of the money.The security keys used to lock the box is right here with me  so that no one can access the box.I shall send it to  you so that you will be the only person that can open the box upon delivery and all charges will be paid from the box by you to the diplomat when he delivers to you.
The following details are needed from you right now to enable the diplomat arrange
his flight schedule to deliver to you;

Full name
Full address of delivery
tel number
occupation
date of birth
copy of identity (International passport/drivers license) Once all this is available,i shall send the informations to the security company so that they can prepare the shipment airway in your favour.
I hope to hear back from you soonest.
 
Best Regards,
Rev.Samuel Taylor

Dear Reverend Samuel Taylor,
 
Thank you for your turgid response. Though it may be indelicate at this juncture, I'd like to offer my gratuitous thanks for this exciting financial opportunity. Just the mere mention of phrases like "deliver the fund to you" and "box upon delivery" fill me with joy and set my heart a pitter patter. You are indeed a lovely man, and I shall do you proud by spending my riches like a goddamned fool!
 
Now, some people say that you can't trust a Liberian any further than you can throw him. But I can throw a Liberian very very far, Reverend Taylor. By which I mean to say…I trust you! So, let's get on with it!

Sincerely,
Matt – Electronix Galaxy


DEAR MR MATT,
 
THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU MR MATT.PLEASE I DON'T UNDERSTAND ALL WHAT YOU ARE SAYING.ARE YOU TRYING TO ABUSE ME.BECAUSE,THIS IS A CONFIDENCAIL BUSINESS YOU DONT SUPPOSE TO LET PEOPLE KNOW  MUCH ABOUT.SO WHY ARE YOU NOW TALKING LIKE THAT?I AM VERY DISSAPOINTTED.
 
GOD WILL LEAD US THROUGH IN THIS BUSINES.NO PROBLEM AT ALL.I AM FOR YOU ANYTIME ANYDAYSO,HAVE TRUST ON GOD ALMIGHTY.
 
GOD BLESS YOU (AMEN).
 
BEST REGARDS,
 
REV.SAMUEL TAYLOR.

Dear Reverend Samuel Taylor,
 
I apologize if my words struck you as intemperate. I didn't mean to disappoint you. I was merely reaching across the great cultural chasm which separates us. American from Liberian. White from Black. Man from Woman. It is only through mutual understanding that we can forge a civilization based on Brotherhood, rather than exploitation, domination, graft and cruelty.
 
I do believe that God watches over our financial transaction. Once I have my portion of the money, I intend to put it in His service, doing charitable deeds. For instance, did you know that according to the Italian Union of the Blind, there are over 386,000 blind people in Italy alone? There is a struggling clinic in Venice which tends to the sightless. I know that my contribution of millions of dollars can help improve the poor conditions of the Venetian blind. I intend to use my riches to raise the Venetian blind! Let God's light shine!
 
I hope that this message has gone some measure of the way toward repairing the damage caused by my most recent burst of insouciance. Please tell me it is so…for I do so wish to elevate the Venetian blind at once!
 
What happens next, my dear fellow?

Sincerely,
Matt – Electronix Galaxy

NO FURTHER CORRESPONDENCE

Published on April 10, 2006 at 12:59 am  Leave a Comment  

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