Firstly, I will crave your indulgence trust and confidenciality before I introduce myself to you. My name is Alhaji Mohammed Abacha the elderly son of late General Sanni Abacha.Who died unexpectedly during his government. Before my my father died he was deposited huge amount of dollar ( TWENTY FIVE MILLIONS DOLLARS) under security vault in european country. And this funds was kept for family investment without knowing that he will die unexpectedly.And since my father pass away I was arrested and kept in prison for no reason and all my family account home and abroad was seize by the government of Nigeria. However, I was just release by the government after court jurgement with condition that I should not travel out of my state in Kano. With this s! ituation my mother now decide that we should solicit for assistance from a foreigner who will be of assistance to the abacha family in othre for him to claim this funds in europe as a beneficiary.My family have agreed to compensateany partner/associate who will be of help to the family the 25% of the total sum 5% for any expense incure before the smooth conclusion of the project theremaining70% is for my family which will intend to invest in buying shares also land and properties. We asured you 100% risk free on this transaction and I want you to treatthis transaction very confidencial till we conclude this project. If you willing to assist us on this transaction get back to me very fast. so that I will instruct my lawyer to get you every documents involve. I await your soonest response. Regards, Alhaji Mohammed Sanni Abacha
My Dear Mr. Alhaji Mohammed Sanni Abacha,
Firstly, I will indulge your craven request just so long as you crave my indulgence. This is, after all, a reciprocal relationship. If you're going to give me a healthy percentage of TWENTY FIVE MILLIONS DOLLARS, then I can most certainly spit in my figurative palm, and give you the old figurative reacharound. Either way, I come out on top!
Sorry for the graphic analogy, but I take it you are accustomed to the ins and outs of buggery, having just done some time in The Big House yourself! You say that you were imprisoned without charge? What type of ghastly country locks a man away for no good reason, only to be violated and humiliated by torturers beyond the reach of law or the scrutiny of the media? A dirty rotten country like Nigeria! Makes me so damn mad. I'm glad to live in a country where such things would NEVER happen.
Anyways, I apologize for my rant. I would very much like to pursue this matter with you. Please sic your lawyer on me at once!
Matt – Undisclosed Recipients, Inc.
From: Branco Martins
Subject: URGENT FROM BARRISTER BRANCO.M.D.(LEGAL REP TO THE ABACHA"S)
This is to inform you that this chamber has received an application from Mr. Mohammed Abacha.Son to the former military ruler of Nigeria for us to represent you in the claiming of a consignment lodged in a security and finance vault overseas.
You are to furnish this office with the following information’s of yours.
1) YOUR FULL NAME:
2) CONTACT ADDRESS:
6) MARITAL STATUS:
7) A SCAN COPY OF ANY OF YOUR PERSONAL ID.
Please note that these following information’s of yours are needed to get all the legal documents that you will need ready in your favour and please, all the information should be provided to me as it should be stated in the documents as they will help me in the pursue of the DEED OF AGREEMENT and A POWER OF ATTORNEY.
Is rest assured that our services are effective and accurate. Our goal is client satisfaction and to deliver as at when due. As soon as we get the above information from you, I will furnish you with the Finance and Security Firm Information for you to commence action immediately.
Barrister Branco .M.D. (ESQ.)
Dear Barrister Branco .M D. (ESQ.),
It is with great flatulence and moral turpitude that I receive your latest transmission from deep space! All sentient primates love freedom, but only a shaved primate knows the exquisite tactile joy of skin-to-skin congress. Or as we say on my planet…
1) MATT ARMSTRONG
2) P.O. Box 37030
Washington, DC 20013-7030 USA
3) (202) 479-6900 EXT 209
4) US OF A
5) CHAPMAN STICK VIRTUOSO (TRY ME!)
7) SEE ATTACHED
I hope that this all you need to expedite this matter. I cannot wait for the DEED OF AGREEMENT and A POWER OF ATTORNEY. Just the mention of those two phrases gives me delightful outbreaks of goosebumps along my forearms and perineum!
Please send my love to Mr. Abacha. Without him, you and I would have never met, Mr. Martins! Or should I call you Barrister?
NO FURTHER CORRESPONDENCE.